On Alone Time

While social interaction is important, being alone is at least equally (if not more!) important.

"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders" - Lao Tzu, c. 604-531 BCE

Well, already I'm breaking my rule - someone did teach me this, and it is something I have known my whole life. The knowledge, however, never meant that I never struggled with my need for "alone time", and that's why I decided that I needed to get this out there. Not everyone is fortunate enough to learn this lesson early. In nature, animals are frequently divided into "social" and "solitary" categories. Humans fall into both. From the time we are infants, we are "socialized". Our parents take us out in the world early on, whether it's to show us off to friends and family, to go to parent/child classes, or even to do something as mundane as go to the grocery store. No matter what it is, the infant mind begins to absorb human interactions and relationships from day one, and this formulates everything from his/her personality, to priorities, to sense of boundaries and what healthy relationships are... the list goes on. Everyone knows that socializing a child is crucial. Even in a linguistics class, the topic was brought up of "feral" children - pitiful and painful cases of children who had been abandoned in basements, closets, or other so-called "isolation chambers". The images and stories were horrifying, and proved without a doubt that humans need the love and attention of family and society. After all, "it takes a village to raise a child".

What is overlooked, however, is the need for people to learn - yes learn, it is not innate - how to be alone. "What's so hard about that?" one may ask. "All you have to do is not be with people." True, that's the physical way to be alone, but what about mentally and emotionally? Think of people with clinical depression: they frequently choose to be alone, but it is not a healthy solitude. Thus the need to learn how to be alone. Healthy solitude is like sleep for the soul - it is a restful state of being with yourself (as opposed to by yourself) during which the spirit can recharge and revitalize itself. The individual is able to learn more about him/herself by listening inside and hearing his/her True Voice (also known as the conscience, God's voice, Inner Self, etc.). The book Live Well with One Spirit states that "Putting aside even five or ten minutes a day to quieten our minds has a hugely beneficial effect on our general well-being... Give your mind some space and time to relax and expand into new ideas - this is a precious gift to yourself." This doesn't mean you have to "do nothing" or sit on a mountaintop chanting with legs folded. Just spend time with yourself, getting to know yourself, and loving yourself. People do it for spouses, children, friends, and other loved ones. Don't forget about yourself too!