On Honesty

Polonius:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

Laertes:
Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.

Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

But isn't honesty the hardest thing to do sometimes? And I'm not talking about the age old "Does this [article of clothing] make me look fat?" situation. Honesty to one's self is possibly the hardest thing to do, because while we are least forgiving to ourselves, we also make the most excuses for ourselves.

In this quote, Polonius is giving his son a last bit of advice, which is sometimes hard to understand. In this case, he doesn't just mean that his son shouldn't lie to himself, but that he shouldn't do anything to harm his image or his future. This is being "false" to yourself - a self which in some philosophies is perfect, only encased in an imperfect human consciousness.

For those who thing the ancient (and in this case not-so-ancient) texts are dated and irrelevant, consider this: when being interviewed for a job or an internship, it is perfectly legal (and smart) to require access to the applicant's social network page, be it Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, or any other site - or all sites! Some people become upset, saying that their personal life is none of their employer's business. However, take it from someone who has had to work with hungover coworkers who are cranky, lazy, and non-productive - it is the employer's business! And for those who say "but those drunken pictures are during a party, that's not me all the time" well, perhaps. Why, then, do you allow yourself to be portrayed falsely? Why lie to the masses (and to yourself?) about who you are? To be more popular? To be liked? With such fickle things like human taste and preference, it really is important "to thine OWN self be true". I don't think it's a lesson anyone really finishes learning, but hopefully no one stops trying to learn.

On Living a Good Day

One should count each day a separate life. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

"Live in the moment", "Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present", "Carpe dium"...

Everyone knows that we should live in the now, not dwell on the past, and not focus too much on the future because we never know what's going to happen. But who ever tells you how to do it?

I doubt very much that there is a "correct way" to live in the present. To a certain extent, we all do and yet none of us do. The inventions of planners, calendars, even palm pilots, smart-phones, and other modern "to do list organizers" have cluttered our lives and made it almost impossible to remember to live in the moment. Meetings, doctors appointments, parties, events... all these are planned months, even years in advance.

For some things, planning ahead is appropriate, but for others... when will "someday" happen? The Disney movie "UP" focuses on just that. A couple who have been together since childhood dream of traveling, but life gets in the way until it's too late to make their lifelong dream of seeing the world together come true. (In true Disney fashion, there's a happy ending, but I'll not spoil it). Recent events in Tucson, AZ also call to mind the necessity of living in the moment, and who can forget 9/11? All around us are reminders to carpe dium, and yet how many of us put off living for today until tomorrow?

First things first: it may sound simple, but the easiest way to live in the moment is to pay attention. Consciously watch for moments during the day when you feel happiness, joy, serenity, anything positive. When you feel that moment happening, focus on it, and if possible, keep doing it. It can be anything - a ray of sun poking through snowy-day clouds, the sound of birds, a cool breeze on a hot day, the realization that you have nice handwriting, a joke, a smile, a child... look for and focus on the ordinary miracles. Before long, with constant practice, you'll have your first day where all you can remember are the good things, because that's all you've focused on. Moments make a day, and living in each moment - truly watching it with wonder - makes for a 'wonderful' day.

On Self-Haircuts

Cutting your own hair (or having a friend/family member do it) can be a great way to save money, but there are some definite do's and don'ts!

Do: Plan it out, and think about what you want. If it's just a straight cut, go for it! If it's going to involve lots of layers/special shaping (around the ears, bangs, etc.) think some more about who's doing the cutting and how to ask. While layers and texture are doable by yourself - I have a friend who used to do a great job all the time - they will probably come out better if done by a pro. Also think about whether you want to cut your hair wet or dry. Both have advantages: wet will give you a straighter cut and keep your hair from getting a static attack, but may clump and be harder to cut/clean. Dry is great for cutting before you go out or to see what it'll look like everyday, especially if you have curls or waves that make your hair unpredictable. However, dry hair goes everywhere. Think pet-shed. PS. Using a mirror to see the back of your head works great and prevents uneven cuts.

Don't: Do it spontaneously. Take the time to get the right supplies (you don't want to be using your 4 year old's safety scissors) and to think about where you're going to set up.

Do: Set up your "parlor" for easy cleanup. There's a good reason you never see carpeting in the cutting area of a hair salon. Even if you have the Super Duper Deluxe Namebrand Vacuum that cost 3 months rent, you're still going to end up with little hair bits all over the place. Hair is worse than Christmas tinsel for cleanup. Bathrooms, dining rooms, and kitchens are often best, cleaning wise, as they usually have a more washable floor surface.

Don't: Wear clothes. Really, don't do it. Sure, the people at the salon cut your hair when you're fully dressed. But remember, they have the plastic bag they wrap you up in, and they have a much better vantage point. Also, they're pros. If you're at home and confident in the security of your location, ditch the threads. It'll only be harder to clean up later. If you do have to wear clothes, wear as little as possible: tank tops/muscle shirts, loose-fitting shorts or pants, etc. Definitely don't wear socks, you'll be tracking hair around for days.

Do: Go slowly. You may take longer than Jacques at Tre Chic salon, but he's had training and you haven't (we assume). Also, again, he's got a better position for hair cutting. So he can snip here and cut there, and look like he's going to make you bald right up to the point where you have the best 'do on the block, but that's what you're paying him the big bucks for. You're saving money, remember? Take your time, and block off a good hour, maybe more depending on your hair.

Don't: Panic if you "mess up". No haircut comes out exactly the way you envision anyway, even at salons. If you cut a bit much, find a way to make it work. This is the time to be creative. Besides, it'll grow out anyway, and if it's really bad, you can throw on a hat and run down to the salon. They "fix" cuts all the time, even those done by other pros.

Do: Be brave and have fun! Put on some music, take your time, and be creative. You can even pamper yourself with a hot shower and a fun outing to celebrate when you're done, and everyone will be amazed at how talented you are!

On Alone Time

While social interaction is important, being alone is at least equally (if not more!) important.

"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders" - Lao Tzu, c. 604-531 BCE

Well, already I'm breaking my rule - someone did teach me this, and it is something I have known my whole life. The knowledge, however, never meant that I never struggled with my need for "alone time", and that's why I decided that I needed to get this out there. Not everyone is fortunate enough to learn this lesson early. In nature, animals are frequently divided into "social" and "solitary" categories. Humans fall into both. From the time we are infants, we are "socialized". Our parents take us out in the world early on, whether it's to show us off to friends and family, to go to parent/child classes, or even to do something as mundane as go to the grocery store. No matter what it is, the infant mind begins to absorb human interactions and relationships from day one, and this formulates everything from his/her personality, to priorities, to sense of boundaries and what healthy relationships are... the list goes on. Everyone knows that socializing a child is crucial. Even in a linguistics class, the topic was brought up of "feral" children - pitiful and painful cases of children who had been abandoned in basements, closets, or other so-called "isolation chambers". The images and stories were horrifying, and proved without a doubt that humans need the love and attention of family and society. After all, "it takes a village to raise a child".

What is overlooked, however, is the need for people to learn - yes learn, it is not innate - how to be alone. "What's so hard about that?" one may ask. "All you have to do is not be with people." True, that's the physical way to be alone, but what about mentally and emotionally? Think of people with clinical depression: they frequently choose to be alone, but it is not a healthy solitude. Thus the need to learn how to be alone. Healthy solitude is like sleep for the soul - it is a restful state of being with yourself (as opposed to by yourself) during which the spirit can recharge and revitalize itself. The individual is able to learn more about him/herself by listening inside and hearing his/her True Voice (also known as the conscience, God's voice, Inner Self, etc.). The book Live Well with One Spirit states that "Putting aside even five or ten minutes a day to quieten our minds has a hugely beneficial effect on our general well-being... Give your mind some space and time to relax and expand into new ideas - this is a precious gift to yourself." This doesn't mean you have to "do nothing" or sit on a mountaintop chanting with legs folded. Just spend time with yourself, getting to know yourself, and loving yourself. People do it for spouses, children, friends, and other loved ones. Don't forget about yourself too!

On Winter

Snow is not dangerous. Even ice is do-able. It's when the ice is starting to melt and there's a slick layer of partially melted ice-water on the top that problems happen.

Having lived my life in the beautiful deserts of the southwest, I am arguably experiencing "winter" for the first time. The first day, I observed the snowfall from my window, and it was beautiful. Just like the postcards and Christmas cards and TV commercials promised! I was so excited, I was taking pictures and going from window to window to see what else had been coated with a fresh layer of Mother Nature's white out. I stayed inside that day, and the next, and thoroughly enjoyed what I thought was "winter". The first day I went outside it was warmer, and I realized that there's a reason everyone takes pictures and does paintings on the snowfall days. The other days are treacherous! Now, I've showered with scorpions, camped with rattlers and raccoons, hiked out into the desert alone and I'm still alive to tell the tales. But one day out in the snow and ice and I was hard-pressed to go out again! After fishtailing in my ill-equipped car (also of the desert-ready variety) and landing on my bum like something out of a cartoon, I was hard-pressed to want to go outside again until March. I was terrified. After all, everyone knows that ice is dangerous, right? We all hear about black ice in driver's ed classes, and movies, TV shows, and comedy skits always have people slipping on ice. So here's the lesson: it's not the ice that's so dangerous, it's the thin layer of water on top of the ice that's dangerous. It's the same thing ice skaters use to skate, but without the proper conditions (a rink, experience, and proper footwear) we walking winter wobblers look like something out of a vaudeville movie. What to do! Some things I have found helpful are:

1. Stay on dry surfaces if possible. If not, then surfaces covered with loose snow is better than ice.
2. Stay off of packed snow and ice, like the heavily-trafficked areas of a parking lot - this creates an icy sheen and is hard to walk on.
3. Snow and ice melt faster on grass, gravel, and other natural surfaces. If sidewalks are icy, go for these - the gravel adds traction (like cleats from the ground up) and the grass means there's soil underneath to soak up melting ice.

Obviously these won't work on everyone for every condition, but if you can avoid looking like a Three Stooges skit, do whatever it takes! Anyone else have tips? Post away!